The Summer Heat Stole my Brain

Do you ever have those days or weeks where your pistons just aren’t firing? That is my week. The little person in my head that normally provides witty internal banter is apparently on vacay, because I just can’t seem to summon up any interesting or punchy prose. Hey little person, can you please come back? You are missed and loved and I promise to take better care of you. Ice cream and cookies everyday!

It might have something to do with an upcoming minor medical procedure or maybe I’m just bored out of my mind with the monotony that is life. My only other theory is the heat, which is a pretty solid one as it is officially Summer in Arkansas. The little brain person is probably just napping through this muggy, 104 heat index weather that is killing my poor little mismanaged garden. Why can't I win the lottery and nap all day?

On the upside, Summer in Arkansas means lots o’ fresh yummies. I picked up two pounds of Arkansas peaches this weekend and they are tasty. The tomatoes were gross and not ripe – wait a couple of weeks on those. We also grabbed a watermelon, but it cannot compare to the sweet and juicy Hope watermelons that July brings. Every year I promise myself that I’ll trick someone into going to the Hope Watermelon Festival (AKA, Best Place on Earth) with me, but something always seems to come up. Go figure. Apparently Joe Nichols is performing this year. I’m not exactly sure who he is, but I presume he is a country singer of note. Any takers? August 12-14 – hit me up!

Summer Fun in Honor of Summer’s Solstice

I'll start by recognizing that this is oh so late. I wrote it Monday, but kept forgetting to post while at home, where I have access to my personal photos. Whatever, no excuses. I'm a bad blogger and I'm only on week two. Ugh.

Anyway...

My deep connection with Nature much have subconsciously alerted me during my weekend of classic summer fun that the Summer Solstice was today. Perhaps a more likely scenario is that this weekend was smoldering hot and humid, an effect of the “official” arrival of summer, so I reached into my Arkansas weather arsenal to battle the heat and still have fun.

With few real plans for the weekend, apart from Steven’s BFF’s going away party (his website) Saturday evening, I made some yummies for the boys – Peanut Butter Cup Cupcakes – and stole Phil’s cute little sports car for the delivery. Stevo and Phil were playing in a nerdy card game tournament, so the whole nerdy crew appreciated the afternoon treat. With that task over, I wandered over to Abi’s in the cute RX-8 and begged her to help me make a rope swing. Yeah, that's right, I said rope swing. The project turned out fantastically, and I bought a sprinkler to cool me off while swinging. Good times.

Saturday night, we headed to Mitchell’s White Trash Chic going away party, which involved me in cowboy boots riding in a limo with 9 dudes dressed in their redneck finest. The costumes were ridiculous. Check out my sweet tats in tomorrows photos.

With the heat still beating down, Stevo, Phil and I ran to Walmart and picked up a Slip-n-Slide. Keep in mind that these are made for children. 60 feet of slippery plastic doesn’t go a super long way for grown ups. To make it worse, I spaced out and forgot to take photos. I sincerely apologize, but promise to do better next time.

Check out this link for more info on the Summer Solstice.

A Few Shower Photos

So after a review of the shower photos, I determined that there really aren't a ton worth showing off. Here are a few that weren't fuzzy or weird:

The Case for the Hoarding Gene

I’m not a person that puts much stock in excusing destructive behaviors with genetics. More specifically, I think it’s a cop-out and used to excuse a person from taking responsibility. I believe that the majority of our existence is shaped by environmental and social interactions. For evidence, check out Anne Fausto-Sterling’s Myths of Gender (a fabulous and essential read, by the way).

But for this one teeny time I’m going to cite this crutch as an explanation of why I am so prone to my not-so-secret sickness – hoarding. It has to be genetic, right? I mean, there is this voice inside my head that screams at me to purchase things - all manners of things. I want furniture, paintings, glassware, tea sets (LOVE tea sets) – e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g. But in my defense, I don’t want this stuff because it makes me feel good or because I have some sort of hole inside like the folks on that show. No, I want them because they’re pretty and, like a classic case of hoarding (I know, of course, because I’ve been watching the show), I believe that I will someday find the perfect use for whatever item it is that I’m compelled to buy.

Back to genetics.

I come by this honest. My mother has a collection of McDonald’s Happy Meal toys from 1983. Still in packages. She used to take me, buy two Happy Meals so that she could keep one toy and let me play with another. No joke. If I let her, she would have kept every assignment that I ever turned in or every random dried flower from a school dance. Now, she inherited this gene from her mother and I assume that it was lovingly passed down from my great grandmother. There is no other excuse – no one would willingly accumulate all of this useless crap unless there was some sort of base instinct to do so. And granted, they could have made the conscious decision to resist this genetic disposition, but then who would buy all of the pretty, someday really useful stuff?

The impetus for this post? This damn auction website that I can’t stop scrolling through: http://tiny.cc/ityme

P.S. I swear I will post Recipe Shower pics tonight – swear!

Screw You, Human Papilloma Virus

HPV is a stupid assface. Wanna know why? Because it can give you cancer. And cancer’s expensive. And requires needles and painful procedures. And can kill you. Basically, cancer sucks and by association HPV also sucks.

Props to the ladies out there that got infected with this stupid virus and dealt with having cancer. According to Planned Parenthood’s website, 1 in 4 women will get the cancer-causing version of HPV. In their honor, I’d like to remind you that there is currently no test, vaccination or treatment for men – only women. Which is odd, since I’m pretty sure these women were not infected with the virus from another woman. Also, the CDC states that “Most sexually active people in the United States (U.S.) will have HPV at some time in their lives.” Makes you say hrm…

In fact, the last time I was in the doctor’s office learning about HPV and how they were going to come far too close for comfort to my inner lady parts, a display on the wall actually stated that since the virus does really affect men, that there’s no need to develop a test for them. Um… can we say WTF? THEY SPREAD THE VIRUS TO WOMEN! Which makes me presume that if AIDS didn’t affect men, only KILLED women, would we even test them for it, much less develop a treatment?

I’d also like to point out that in no place under the “What are the health problems caused by HPV in men” does it mention that men can spread HPV to women, which can cause cancer, which can KILL them. Just saying.

Ladies, do not skip your annual exams and ask your doctor for a full STD test. Men, get your skanky penis checked so that you don’t kill someone (except for HPV, cause they can’t check you for that). And for god's sake everyone, use a fucking condom.

I hope you’re as infuriated as me. Tell everyone about it. More info at:
- CDC on men and HPV: http://tiny.cc/y4vre
- CDC on HPV in general (meaning for women): http://tiny.cc/ggkxo
- Planned Parenthood on HPV and cervical cancer: http://tiny.cc/qrma9

Thank you, Mr. Obama, for the Lovely Check

Joy of all joys! It finally arrived….our First Time Homebuyers Tax Credit (light shines down from heaven to illuminate my angelic face).

So it turns out that being unemployed, getting engaged, getting married and buying a home is expensive. Real expensive. Consequently, we’ve been on pins and needles waiting for this tax credit to finally arrive. We filed in April, right after we closed on the house, and have been excitedly checking the mail ever since…to no avail…until yesterday.

How did we celebrate? Fancy style, that’s how.

I snuck off to Target and purchased a pair of super soft Capri lounge pants yesterday afternoon. After hubbers got home we piled in the car and deposited the check, but not after taking some under exposed cell phone photos. Then we hit up Wasabi, our local sushi joint, which was seriously off their game on this particular evening – the wine was old and the wraps fell apart in hubbo’s soy sauce. Eck. But I forgive, because there just aren’t a lot of great sushi restaurants around.

But the most important and most fancy part came after dinner. I wholeheartedly believe that any great, monumental celebration should be marked with a glass of fancy champagne. My fave is Veuve Cliquot, not only because it was for a short period of time the preferred champagne of my Sex and the City girls, but because it is so freakin’ good. For real. So we grabbed a bottle and finally toasted to being homeowners – homeowners with a lot less credit card debt as of this morning. Snap!

Bridal Shower Shindig

So my for first “official” blog post, I’m gonna keep it simple.

This weekend, I popped my bridal-shower-hostess cherry for my best friend and pledge sister, Annslee’s, recipe shower. And while many of our flaky friends neglected to RSVP, the whole event was nonetheless successful. She made out with tons of loot and family recipes, and we got to polish off six bottles of champagne after the grownups left. Not bad for a Saturday afternoon.

As no great feat is tackled alone, two other girlfriends and sorority sisters, Lauren and Heather co-hosted the event. We learned that a group can plan a successful party via e-mail and that, inevitably, you will purchase and prepare a minimum of seven times the actual amount of food that you need. Luckily, I put on my big girl panties and scarfed down at least enough to make up for six of the no-shows who were unable to read my RSVP request on the invite. Heather's chocolate covered cherries were beautiful and decadent and Lauren’s Caprese Skewers were absolutely fantastic – I ate like 75 and only stopped because they ran out. Seriously.

Speaking of invites, I designed the one for this party and it was beyond cute. I don’t care if you agree. It was, I tell you! And the recipe card that we asked attendees to bring along with their coordinating gift was attached to the invite and perforated to tear off. Genius, if I do say so myself. Even more genius was the entire idea, which was Lauren's brainchild.

And if I must continue with the bragging, I made my first successful attempt at decorating with fondant (the first batch was only good enough for the garbage can). Many of you may or may not understand the complexities of fondant, but just know that it involves crying over sugar and marshmallows at 1 o’clock in the morning the night before your party. Or maybe that’s just me, who knows? Either way, the cake eventually turned out lovely – turquoise/acqua on the outside with a layer of red velvet and another of cherry (her wedding colors are turquoise and red) – and everyone appropriately swooned over it. You know I just do this stuff to stroke my ego.

All in all, we had a great time and hopefully our blushing bride-to-be felt special and loved and like the delicate flower that she is (chuckle, snort).

I'll post more photos later, but here's one of the invite with detachable recipe card:




















And just in case you're interested, here's our full menu:

Cake - red velvet and cherry chip with acqua marshmallow fondant
Chocolate covered cherries
Miss Mae's Coffee Crisps, some dipped in dark chocolate
Margarita chicken skewers with cilantro-lime sauce
Caprese Skewers
Tzatzki with pita chips (Lauren picked this up from a Greek restaurant in Little Rock, but I'm not sure of the name)
Poinsetta Punch (Lauren's family recipe)

Welcome to My World

I admit it: I am a covetor of others' blogs. Hence, this new little endeavor. Welcome.

More coming soon....